{"id":4154,"date":"2015-05-19T16:18:00","date_gmt":"2015-05-19T20:18:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/kendraschaefer.com\/?p=4154"},"modified":"2020-03-12T17:03:51","modified_gmt":"2020-03-12T21:03:51","slug":"disco-disco-day-tripping-at-the-beijing-watermelon-museum","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/kendraschaefer.com\/2015\/05\/disco-disco-day-tripping-at-the-beijing-watermelon-museum\/","title":{"rendered":"Disco disco: Day-tripping at the Beijing Watermelon Museum"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Posted from: Beijing, China<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

This is one of several pieces I did on offbeat urban tourism for now-defunct website Smart Beijing.<\/em><\/div>\n\n\n\n

I like outings. I like the idea of a jaunty walk through whatever rolling hills Hebei can offer me. I used to romanticize the thought of riding the Beijing subway lines all the way to each terminus, and as the rail laid by the long arm of industry bore me farther from city center, the station names would become flavored with village twang, arboreal and sweet. Apple Orchard.  The Paddy Fields.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThe next station is Biomedical Base. Please prepare for your arrival.\u201d  <\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

\"Beijing<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

The stop for the Watermelon Museum is past that idyll of chemical weapons, even, all the way to the southern tip of Line 4 at Tian Gong, and then three stops south on a country bus. What I am saying, seeker of seedlings, is that this place is in the ass-end of Daxing and this isn\u2019t a casual Friday afternoon skip-dee-doo to the park. You have to want this. You have to feel a bone-deep need for high-fiber fruit and surrealism.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hey. Don\u2019t laugh. Don\u2019t take something beautiful and tear it down. China produces more watermelons than any other country on earth, and Daxing County is one of the highest-yield regions. It makes sense to commemorate that achievement here. It makes sense to build a ginormous, wing-ed building saluting the nobility and natural dignity of the fruit flavor the captured the minds of every chewing gum manufacturer in America circa 1995.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Baidu tells me the museum was finished in 2002. Bear that in mind when you consider that the instrumental Titanic soundtrack has probably been on repeat in the lobby for the better part of 13 years.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"Beijing<\/figure>\n\n\n\n
\"Beijing<\/figure>\n\n\n\n
\"Beijing<\/figure>\n\n\n\n
\"Beijing<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

\u201cTwenty RMB,\u201d said the ticket girl tentatively, trying to decide if I was going to acid-melt into a giant writhing vine of putrid gourdflesh, like most of her waking people-dreams. \u201cThe Western Hall is that way.\u201d I never saw her again. I never saw another living soul. I guess she was in the back muttering to herself and scratching days off the wall calendar with her fingernails. 172<\/s> 0 days without human hallucinations.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

No wonder, man, she didn\u2019t even have a\u00a0baoan<\/em>\u00a0to talk to. I don\u2019t know if this is just sloppy statesmanship or your basic lack of funding for vital public works, but I was surprised at the light hand of military presence on premises. Seems risky. Seems like the Japanese could theatrically repel through the domed\u00a0 opera house ceiling and read Chicken\u00a0Watermelon\u00a0Soup recipes any time they felt like it. Just saying.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"Beijing<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

The Western Hall: Watermelons Discover America<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

The Western Hall takes us on an epic journey of watermeducation. A journey from seeds to seedlessness, a trek from the watermelon\u2019s humble beginnings, cultivated in the cradle of civilization thousands of years ago, to its eventual rise into the very heavens. I think. I think that is the journey I was on. There\u2019s no English description on any of the exhibits, so I may be a little off-base here:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Watermelons Circumnavigate the Earth<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n

Watermelons were sailing the seas long when Chris Columbus was a still a white smear in his father\u2019s nutsack.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"Beijing<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Watermelons Repel the Hun<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n
\"Beijing<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Watermelons in Space<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n
\"Beijing<\/figure>\n\n\n\n
\"Beijing<\/figure>\n\n\n\n
\"Beijing<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWith the development of our country\u2019s space program, watermelon seeds were brought into space, allowing for significant contributions to the development of new watermelon breeds.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

\"Beijing<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

More Watermelon Pride<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n
\"Beijing<\/figure>\n\n\n\n
\"Beijing<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

The Eastern Hall: Dance, Dance Watermelution<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Something\u2019s missing, isn\u2019t it? We\u2019re missing the essence of the thing. Watermelon is more than a list of facts and figures, more than a series of notations in the historical record. It\u2019s a party in your mouth and your mind.  It\u2019s a thiamin-rich disco ride to total hydration.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"Beijing<\/figure>\n\n\n\n
\"Beijing<\/figure>\n\n\n\n
\"Beijing<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

The Watermelon Reactor<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n

And finally, this:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"Beijing<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

It sits in the gathering dark, powered down, mercifully at rest, a relic of a not-too-distant age where nationalistic rhetoric and mounting global tensions brought humanity to the brink of total destruction by its own belligerent hand. Our species never did unlock the secret to watermelon fusion, no machines of war ever ran on watermelon power, and no governments rose to international dominance under the auspices of watermelon energy, though the most brilliant minds of the time bent all their thought towards that end. Their failure sits here now, a castoff reminder that there are forces in this world that remain unknowable to man.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

To get to the Watermelon Museum, take subway line 4 south to Tian Gong (<\/em>??), and take the southwest exit. Catch southbound bus 28, 30 or 55 (about 3 stops) and get off at Panggezhuangqiao (<\/em>????). The museum is on the northeast corner of the Panggezhuangqiao intersection. Call to verify opening hours. <\/em>
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Posted from: Beijing, China This is one of several pieces I did on offbeat urban tourism for now-defunct website Smart Beijing. I like outings. I like the idea of a jaunty walk through whatever rolling hills Hebei can offer me. I used to romanticize the thought of riding the Beijing subway lines all the way …<\/p>\n<\/div>","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":4171,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"ngg_post_thumbnail":0},"categories":[48],"tags":[53],"yoast_head":"\nDisco disco: Day-tripping at the Beijing Watermelon Museum - Kendra Schaefer<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow\" \/>\n<meta name=\"googlebot\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<meta name=\"bingbot\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"http:\/\/kendraschaefer.com\/2015\/05\/disco-disco-day-tripping-at-the-beijing-watermelon-museum\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Disco disco: Day-tripping at the Beijing Watermelon Museum - Kendra Schaefer\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Posted from: Beijing, China This is one of several pieces I did on offbeat urban tourism for now-defunct website Smart Beijing. 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